Forever Alone: The Growing Sense of Isolation for Young Men

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Man alone in wilderness looking at a lake

In recent years, there has been a lot of talk about the so-called “loneliness epidemic” that is sweeping the nation. Experts have noted that this trend affects people of all genders, ages, and walks of life and that it can affect anyone at any point in their lives. However, while various studies have shown that women are also vulnerable to feelings of isolation and disconnection, they’ve also shown that men struggle with loneliness especially hard.

A study by Cigna in the wake of the pandemic found that isolation levels had increased for both men and women since the start of the pandemic. However, when asked about their experiences with loneliness, men were more likely to say that they felt “lonely” or “socially isolated,” while women were more likely to say that they felt “isolated” or “anxious.” This suggests that isolation is not just a matter of being alone but also of feeling disconnected from others.

So, what is it about loneliness that seems to disproportionately impact men? And what can be done to address this issue?

Why Do Men Feel Lonely?

There is no single answer to the question of why men feel lonely. Some might argue that this sense of isolation stems from cultural or societal pressures, while others might point to biological or psychological factors. However, one thing that experts can agree on is that isolation is a complex issue with numerous causes.

Changing Norms and Expectations

Traditionally, men have been seen as the protectors and providers for their families, and their worth has been largely tied to their ability to take care of those around them. However, in recent years, there has been a shift away from this traditional model. More and more men are now choosing to stay at home with their children while their wives work or find themselves out of work due to automation or other economic factors. This change can be liberating for some men, but it can also be a source of isolation and anxiety for others who feel like they no longer have a place in society.

In addition, traditional ideas about masculinity are also changing. Men are now expected to be more emotionally open and vulnerable, which can be difficult for those who were raised believing that stoicism is a virtue. As a result, men may find it harder to form close bonds with others, leading to isolation.

The Decline of Traditional Communities

For many young men, the desire for connection and belonging can become a critical issue. Whether they grew up in a tightly knit community or a more isolated area, these men often struggle to find meaningful relationships. This can be partly due to the lack of opportunities for community involvement in today’s increasingly digital world. From social media channels that allow people to connect without ever meeting in person to virtual meetups like gaming tournaments, it is easier to stay “connected” without engaging with others in the real world.

As a result of this growing disconnection, young men may become increasingly frustrated and withdrawn. They may feel alone on the inside while maintaining strong social masks on the outside, or they may simply be unable to express their needs and concerns as they see fit. However, these feelings of isolation can only increase over time without a comforting group of friends or family members to turn to.

The Rise of Social Media

In the past, people would have to physically go out into the world to socialize. Now, thanks to platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, we can stay connected to our friends and family without ever leaving our homes. While this may seem like a good thing at first, research has shown that social media can harm our mental health. One study found that people who use social media more frequently are more likely to report feelings of isolation and loneliness.

This may be because social media gives us a false sense of connection. We see our friends and family members posting about their lives, but we don’t actually interact with them on a deeper level. As a result, we can start to feel like we’re missing out on something or that our own lives are not as fulfilling. We may also compare ourselves to others and feel like we don’t measure up.

In addition, social media can be a breeding ground for negativity. Because we’re not actually face-to-face with the people we’re interacting with, it’s easy to say things that we wouldn’t normally say in person. This can lead to arguments and hurt feelings, which can further isolation and loneliness.

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Increased Pressure

In addition to the changes in our society and the way we interact with each other, young men also face increased pressure in other areas of their lives. For example, they may feel like they must succeed in school or their careers to be “worthy” of respect and love. They may also feel like they need to have a perfect body or be popular to be happy.

These ideas can put a lot of pressure on young men and make it difficult for them to relax and enjoy their lives. They may start believing that they must constantly strive for more, which can lead to burnout. In addition, these unrealistic standards can make it hard for young men to form meaningful connections with others.

How Mental and Behavioral Health Providers Can Help

If you’re a provider working with young men, there are several things you can do to help them feel less isolated and alone.

Provide Them with a Safe Space to Express Their Feelings

It’s important that young men feel like they can express their feelings without judgment. This can be a difficult task, as many young men have been taught to bottle up their emotions. However, creating opportunities for young men to feel safe to express themselves is important. This may include discussing their experiences, feelings, and thoughts in individual or group therapy sessions.

Encourage Them to Seek Out Community Activities and Events

When young men are struggling in school or dealing with social or emotional difficulties, they often lack a sense of belonging and purpose in their lives. This isolation can lead to feelings of hopelessness and disconnection, as well as other mental health symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or thoughts of self-harm. The key to helping these young men is to create a supportive community environment in which they feel seen, heard, and valued.

However, by encouraging these young men to get involved in their communities, you can help them find a sense of purpose and meaning. Whether it’s volunteering at a local shelter or joining a sports team, these activities will provide them with regular interactions with others and opportunities to build meaningful relationships. Additionally, these young men will gain greater confidence and self-esteem by having a role within the community, which can help reduce isolation and loneliness.

Help Them Develop Healthy Coping Skills

When young men feel isolated and lonely, they may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, self-harm, or risky behaviors. It’s important to help them develop healthy coping skills so that they can deal with their feelings more productively. This may include teaching them how to meditate, encouraging them to journal about their experiences, or teaching them how to express their emotions healthily.


Though it is often spoken about in the same breath as depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions, loneliness is its unique form of suffering. And while women are not immune to this problem, men seem to struggle with it more. The isolation that young men experience can lead to many mental and emotional difficulties, and providers need to be aware of the signs and symptoms. By creating a safe space for these young men to express their feelings, encouraging them to get involved in their communities, and teaching them how to develop healthy coping skills, you can help them reduce isolation and loneliness.

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